On the Road with Julie

Time to Read:

Well, today is my last day of learning Russian on this journey. 

Some of you reading may remember that, on this trip, I’m trying to write at least one blog post in the language that I’m learning. Usually, I try to write one for each country. Unfortunately, when I left Riga, I just didn’t get it done. The process of learning Russian these last three weeks has consumed significantly more of my brain energy than previous languages and I just didn’t manage to squeeze it in. And that is the right way to say it. In each country where I actually have succeeded in doing it – I squeezed it in under the wire. And, in every country, it has turned out to be a fantastic educational exercise. So many times, I have written something that the native speaker correcting my writing has said to me the words, “What are you trying to say here? This is not – insert language here.” So, many thanks to my fantastic Russian teacher, Marina that helped me figure out how to tell this story in correct Russian. As she told me, it is not written in the style of a Russian speaker. No matter how much I study, I am still an American native English speaker. I think in English, I relate to my world in English and even when I write in French, or Spanish or German or Russian – I’m still kind of writing in English.

So, if you want to read this story that is very much a story told with the voice of an American english speaker, but IN Russian, you can click here for the Russian version!

Usually, during these trips, I have so much to say that when it’s time to write a post, I’m overwhelmed, trying to figure out everything I need to say. Usually, I’m my hands are trying to keep up with my brain because there’s so much I want to say, so much I want to tell, so much I want to capture for my own memories.

But now that it’s time to write my post in Russian, my head is empty. It’s not writer’s block. I have a lot to say. It’s something else entirely. It can best be explained by one of the most memorable moments of the Russian-language portion of my trip.

Ryan was with me in Riga. We were having lunch at Lido. Everything was going well. I asked him how he was. He told me about his day. And then, of course, he asked me how I was. 

I said, “Good,” …

…and nothing more. 

He looked at me. I looked at him. 

I shrugged and said, “That’s it. Good.”

I had nothing more to say. That covered it. 

There was a short pause. Our eyes met in meaningful silence, and the corners of our lips lifted slightly into a smile. Then we both laughed with pure joy.

This was a very important moment in our marriage, and we both knew it. 

If Ryan were the type to cry, he would have been crying tears of joy. He is not. But he smiled the biggest smile as he said, “I understand. I totally understand.”

We laughed and smiled together because we both understood that something very important was happening—because it was I who finally understood him. Ryan was visibly happy as he sat there, realizing that finally, after nearly 10 years of marriage and nearly 16 years of dancing together in this little thing called life, I finally understood something about him I’d never understood before. 

This gap of understanding hadn’t been some huge crisis in our marriage. It was simply a small gap between us that had now been bridged.

To me, this is one of the most fun parts of marriage – all of these little moments of victory in mutual understanding that can occur in an instant, but actually took a decade or more to stew and brew into form. It is difficult for any two people to truly understand one another. And when it happens, it is a mini miracle and a thing of glory. It is actually part of what I love so much about language learning. The field of possibility for new understanding to occur is expanded just a little further.

During our marriage, I have many times asked him a question about his day or some other aspect of his life, and he answered with something short. One word. Maybe two.

I would continue to pepper him with questions. I wanted to do my best to get more information. There was no more to get.

I never really understood him in these moments. No big deal. I didn’t need to understand and he didn’t need me to. Eventually, he’d wear me out Mohammed Ali style and, like the puppy dog that I am, I’d let go of tugging at the chew toy and go chase a squirrel.

I don’t know if it’s clear in this blog yet, but listen, I like to talk. I like to talk so much that I need to learn a lot of languages just to have enough words for everything I want to say.

There are many moments when I don’t speak, don’t want to speak, say little, or say nothing at all. But there’s always a REASON. I always HAVE something to say and choose not to say it. So, whenever Ryan gave me a one-word answer, I always assumed he had something to say, but there was some reason he didn’t feel able to say it at that moment, and in some of those moments, I thought I was being a good wife by trying to create the space for him to say the rest.

But at that moment, after 10 wonderful years of marriage, we both smiled because I finally understood it, and he knew it. He looked at me and realized that for the first time in my life, I understood it. I understood it in my bones. 

Sometimes you can say more, but that doesn’t mean you need to say more.

Gosh, it seems so obvious now. 

I just never actually felt this way before.

Look, I’m not saying I’m proud that it took me so long to get here. But here I am.

How was my day? Good. That’s about it, I think.

Learning a new language isn’t just about learning nouns and verbs. Every language has its own spirit. Every language I learn expands me as a person. I have learned a lot studying Russian, but this was perhaps my most important lesson. I think I must thank the Russian language and the cultures that go along with it, for helping me to understand.

The irony is not lost on me that I have said A LOT in order to convey my realization that sometimes, you don’t have to say much in order to say everything you have to say.

And mind you, I have a lot more to say about my time in Tbilisi. And I will.

At the same time, if you want to ask me how my time went in Riga, how my time went in Tbilisi, how my time went studying Russian on this trip, I could simply say…

…it was good.